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Back from Florida on our way out West

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on July 31, 2009

We had an amazing out of this world spectacular trip to Disneyworld. We saw all 4 parks, even went to Downtown Disney and Typhoon Lagoon. It was hot, humid, and we did have to go back and take naps between rides but it was amazing. My kids were AMAZING!!! Mikayla was on her own separate vacation. It was so hard for me….but its life. She was with her friends bounding through Disney and that’s what happens when your kids grow up. Do I have to let her? Everett was an angel. We did have a few moments where his strength and unnatural lack of fear caused a few hiccups but nothing shattering or too hard to deal with-really truly he is doing incredibly. I can’t imagine if we had tried this 2 months ago. The one thing I did notice is that we got more then our usual stares and comments about our transracial family. Perhaps it was due to the fact that while at a park like Disney you are looking around absorbing everything and we sort of stand out. Its the only thing I wish I could change, but I can’t…so we just have to deal with it.

Oh I keep forgetting to post about this, bad bad me. A friend and I got together and decided to start a local adoption support group specifically for transracial and transnational adoptive families. Then we decided we wanted to make it bigger then local. we have  a facebook page our group is called “the color of family” so PLEASE look us up on FB and become a “fan” we are hopeful to keep discussion going. My friend is a Social worker and is much more “professional” then I am about this stuff she is also foster/adopting seriously one of  the most beautiful baby girls I have ever seen.

Oh and look for our website to come soon!!! We are going to expand our mission statement for “The Color of Family”, there are some really exciting things going on in my life right now!! But its a surprise and I can’t reveal it until we are ready. Something I’ve wanted to do forever and ever and ever-knew one day I would, didn’t know how, still dont’ know exactly how but its going to work out.

I will more then likely be closing this blog down soon :(. Its time. My heart is not into it and I have too many other projects but not to fear my faithful readers 🙂 I am only switching it to another format and changing things up to flow with a very new direction I am headed. To be honest this blog is pretty badly written, fairly “out there” when it comes to subjects and was really my online “journal” not so much written for anyone but myself to read-it surprises me daily that I get people here at all. You guys are awesome btw!!!! Thank you for supporting me-love to you and you all know who you are.  Got to go.


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WOW my daughter is 13 today!!!

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on July 21, 2009

I have a teenage daughter!!! She is so amazing and I adore every bit of being her mom. My Mickey is so responsible and easy to parent-makes my job very easy. Things are changing and its not the same, but she is growing and becoming a wonderful young lady. I expect so much from her and she always gives 110%.

The picture of her today was taken right before our family birthday party-the pants are crazy, our neighbor gave them to Cady last weekend during the neighborhood garage sale, told her if you take these pants you can have “everything you want for free” I was so appreciative when Cady came home with arms full of junk and those pants.  Now Mickey thinks they are hilarious to wear…I’m not so amused but, oh well she’s her own person now. Tonight we are having a girls night, just her and I!!! Out to eat and then the new Harry Potter movie, I dont’ know who is more excited. And yes, I do feel older….oh well it was bound to happen :). Just wondering if she will wear the pants or not? Hmmm…… Love my Mickey girl.


Again sorry for my lacking computer skills, my software won’t let me rotate them, not sure why.

We are leaving for our whirlwind family vactions in a few days, first its Disneyword to see Mickey perform down maintreet in her marching band, we are spending 4 days in the parks-wish us luck! Then we are on our way to Wyoming to spend a relaxing 3 weeks with my parents in the country near Yellowstone park. So excited for that-I love it there, my kids are free to ride horses, play freely outside 24-7…. ahhh….. bliss!

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“Where’s my baby brother…”

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on June 20, 2009

It happened, Everett loves his brother. I know it took awhile, and ya I was getting really worried but it finally happened. As of this week I have my sweet little loving boy back. Its been a hard 2 months (can you believe it has been that long?) Everett did not acknowledge Gabriel’s existence and/or he tried to kill him and/or he acted out above and beyond his normal behavior issues. I don’t know what did it but it was like a switch. See Everett was so sweet with Maya, former foster baby sister that I assumed he would automatically be the same to Gabriel and was very much shocked by the cold and violent meanness to his attitude. One of Everett’s strengths is that he is extremely sweet and loving to other children, almost to the point that its too much-actually often it is-and we need to work on being assertive. But he is just sweet as sugar during play time. Here is this boy who at 3 years old has a 6 pack, biceps, and is 45 pounds of solid muscle, the height of an average 5 year old, can do front flips, kart-wheels, chin ups, hand stands, head spins….he’s freaking strong and amazingly gifted athletically and a tiny 18 month old girl (from church) can and does bully him. He is my gentle giant and I love him for it. But with Gabriel he was rough right from the beginning, he made it look passive but it was clearly intentional. So this was part of my worries in regards to E man’s behavior. That is over. He is now big brother, protector, care giver (still can’t leave them alone-he’d be lugging him around) Gabriel cries Everett is there “its okay baby brother, don’t cry, don’t be sad…” I cried the first several times he did this. that was just the beginning, now he proudly shows off his brother, he brings him toys, he engages him and dies laughing when he gets Gabriel smiling. We had to leave Gabe to take E man for a Dr visit (another blog entry), and he totally flipped out “where’s my baby brother!!!” he demanded over and over. “GO GET HIM!!!” he told me several times. And we left him at one of Everett’s bbf house, its not like our past visits at the county building for Maya. So my thinking, and I could be wrong, Everett still has a hard time verbally telling me what is going on but he is getting soooooooooo much better (I feel thanks to fish oil), I think on some level he remembered what it was like to loose Maya, how it felt for HIM to love and loose her and then how it felt for him to see his mom and family so sad. She was with us for 5 months, almost 6. He adored her. For months he asked where she was and sometimes it made me cry. I was a mess around that time, I know this hurt E man. I really tried to hold it together but you know I’m not going to lie and said that every day I was this upbeat mom who hid her tears and depression, there were days I couldn’t get off of the couch except for dinners, diapers, and to herd him back to where I was while I veged in my own sorrow. How could this not have deeply hurt him? So either subconsciously or consciously I feel strongly this is a big part of where the severe out of control behaviors came in to play, now, not all of them because he was starting some of this before Gabriel came but then we were also talking a lot about a baby coming home. I with his inabilaty to fully express himself verbally its hard to know for sure what is going through his head but this was part of the behavior. we told him that he would have a baby brother or sister, reading books about it etc. Every time this came up he clearly shut down, I mean it was obvious, he would say “NO!!!” and that was that. I also noted a marked improvement in his ability to not take his behavior to the out of control level this week, he didn’t do that ONCE, see I can normally avoid triggers, avoid overstimulation, use ot/pt to help with sensory overload…NOTHING was working for weeks, all my tricks might as well have been thrown in a figurative garbage for the good they did. The amazing thing for me is that-we have been improving all along, BUT this week it was different like with the fish oil we had a GIGANTIC JUMP! The only thing I can attribute this to is his new-found love/acceptance/and TRUST in his baby brother relationship. Now I can get all excited about when Gabriel gets older, watching them play together-not worry I’ll have to keep them seperated for life! I can’t wait!

Gabriel is still the easiest baby in the world. God knew what he was doing! The girls are excelling in life but the more I parent the more I realize I knew NOTHING about real parenting skills until I had the E man. I mean my girls basically came on auto pilot, all I had to do was the basics. We had our rough patches but nothing huge. Now Mickey is entering the teen years OFFICIALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is scary, she is changing…and I am going to have to re-learn EVERYTHING-its becoming pretty obvious to the both of her parents that we are in for a new experience in the world of parenting. And she is a good girl, no mommy glasses on prejudicing my view. She just came this way still the attitude, the mood swings….ya we are there. Cady is stuck in the middle and I have to work on not forgetting her, she is soooooooo good. She loves to write and is currently writing  a play for her friends to perform. She is also planning her own b-day party because she has the party planning bug.

Oh Lorie-if you are reading-I was planning on writing about this before you wrote you had 40 pounds to loose, only I’m happy about it because I am FINALLY down to ONLY needing to loose 40 pounds, which is close to an entire Everett. I have lost 60 pounds in one year as of June 24th of last year when I put together my weight loss plan, there were some ups and downs and a few weeks of despair but I’m still loosing. Now that I’m exercising I’m loosing much faster. I was hoping it would be 100 lbs in a year….but ya know 60 is still a big deal! I have no idea how I got THAT huge…….okay so I do. Its called 3 years of emotional eating gone wild and a body who is prone to obesity. My mom lost 100 pounds after having 5 children and has kept it off for almost 26 years now. I dont’ know if I have her will power but I do have her determination and my intention is to follow in her footsteps. My goal is to loose the 40 pounds by November of this year.

I also want to have a tummy tuck and got some great news, my insurance just might cover part of it-this was a totally random meant to be bit of knowledge I got via Gabriel (long story!) I plan on blogging if I ever get the chance. Won’t bore with details but I had 2 complicated pregnancies, really it was Mikayla’s pregnancy (I measured due to complications as if I were having twins and almost triplets) basically you could roll me I was sooooooooo huge, and I’m short, really freaking short so all that skin plus an ER c-section that was sort of botched left me with a lot of strechy yucko skin and seperated muscles in addition to several hernias that I had repaired this time last year (made moving much better for me). I mention my old lady back but not often how much it sucks, I mean I did for awhile but I know how whiny it sounds. Well apparently part of the issues (according to two different docs) could be my mid section. They would like something that is a fairly disgusting thing to admit done to correct the issue along with a muscle repair, this would make a tummy tuck extremely afforadable for us. I’m really excited because, for me, weight loss is a double edged sword. I am at the point in my life that I don’t care anymore about the emotional aspect/more the embarrasment, but as I loose weight I actually start to look pregnant. Its no fun in the past when all I wanted was another baby and people would constantly ask me “how far along are you?” while patting my blubbery belly. Ya, happened weekly and THIS is why I NEVER EVER EVER ask somebody that question! So part of my 40 pounds of padding that would go up and down never fully leaving me that I had PRIOR to becoming a foster parent and then going hog wild and gaining 60 more pounds was hiding my body shape-I actually gained from a starting long weight 70 pounds as a foster mom. Thank the girdle Gods a wonderful woman invented this contraption called Spanx, and while I still look ‘off’ as I loose weight I’m finding its nothing like it used to be! But to have that gone, I know its some what silly maybe  even vain, its almost as if I feel disfigured even if clothes hide it, it makes me cry thinking I may have my body back! I’m not looking for perfection, just “normal.”

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I miss my mommy :(

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on June 13, 2009

P6130640Its been one hour since I dropped my mom off at the airport and I’m sad, even big grown up girls miss their mom’s I guess.  Mikayla is on another marching band trip, Cady is at an end of the school year party, Everett went camping with his dad (please pray that he survives-yes I’m silly but James is not as good as I am at making sure he lives to adulthood-just a matter of fact)…so its just Gabriel the dogs, the cats and myself (and I’m not used to this quiet). Gabriel is cooing in his carseat while I neglect…I mean update my sorry blog. I am seriously so afraid he will get a flat head that I HATE to put him in his car seat but for whatever reason he adores being in there. UGH! We do tummy time and he likes it for all of 3 minutes, I have the Bumbo chair and while he ADORES it only for so long, the swing not so much…never had a baby like a car seat this much. Anyway mostly I wear him or hold him so I suppose 10 minutes here and there won’t give him a flat head.

We had a wonderful 2 weeks full of as much as you can possibly fit in of school activities, one play performance (they won 3rd btw!), band/choir performances, gymnastics, exercising (my mom’s a workout junkie)….lots and lots of wonderful fun and a clean house with my laundry caught up, my plants/gardens all taken care of. Now it will all go south….there just isnt’ enough hours in the day. I think keeping a vegie/flower garden is not the best idea for a mom w/ 4 children one of which keeps me running sun up to sun down (Mikayla), one who is free spirited and needs to be busy (Cady), and one who is a superhero in training (Everett), and a new baby who may be the best baby in the world-or at least in the top 10 of best babies that ever lived-but he’s still a baby and we don’t want flat head syndrome. James has been busy planning our Disneyworld trip-we are soooooo excited! That will be towards the end of July after that I”ll be gone for the rest of the summer :). We’ll see how well a family of 4 kids travels.

Here are some pictures of my gorgeous mommy and my amazing kiddoes.


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My life is insane but in a good way :)

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on June 8, 2009

So life is busy, sorry haven’t updated recently.

Lets see this week we had an awards assembly for Mikayla, a concert for Cady, my mom flew in from out West, Mickey’s marching band performed in a HUGE parade (all of us hours in the sun) and they WON!!!! She is soooooo flippen adorable, she marches with the HS band…oh my little baby she is so tiny out there with her big trombone blasting away and marching perfectly. Then we raced to Cady’s performance at this absolutely AMAZING theater in our nearby city this is a HUGE contest that their school has won before, the grand prize is a trip to the Bronx Zoo (where they will also perform). I don’t know how they did in the contest!!!??? Results were announced today and we didn’t have time to go see who won. Mikayla had her ice cream social/fundraiser where she performed with the Jazz band. My husband had a reunion/BBQ today with family friends at his parents house that we attended. I also had to visit my friend who was here from Florida only for a day, GAH! Did I mention we also went to Gymnastics all freaking week long and I somehow managed to put in a vegetable garden and work out AND eat healthy-somehow, see there is such thing as miracles!!!? And my house does not look like a tornado hit it only because my mom is here, Heaven bless her for all she does when she visits. So ya, life is absolutely freaking insane. The end of the school year is always like this. Everett LOVED the parade, he’d already seen Cady’s play and so I had his favorite babysitter watch him for that. Next week will be much the same. Another concert, another parade…mom is leaving :(, my house will show it.

Gabriel remains the easiest and sweetest baby that ever graced our home, oh my am I in love. I rarely give him up. I have never been a possessive mamma before, really I’m just not one of those people who hates it when other people hold their baby. Uh, I am now. It is weird and maybe I’m just weird but he gives me a sense of peace that I can feel-and I just don’t want to loose a moment of his baby time. Generally speaking I put him in my sling so that NOBODY will ask to hold him. I guess I’m a greedy mommy :).

Everett is amazing me!!! OH MY GOSH!!! He can focus!!! Holy all that is sacred (sorry God) I never thought he could come this far! I am fairly certain he will be kicked out of his special pre-K after the first eval, the fish oil has made a world of difference in him. He’s still Everett, he still has a hard time with transitions, he still has a hard time with being sensory overloaded, he still is obsessed with the damn sugary/candy/white flour/carb laden foods that we try to avoid….ugh! But he is doing A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!! He can color for more then 30 seconds, he can play with one toy for more then a minute, he can finish something…….he can sit through one hour of extremely boring church )what I mean by that is boring for a 3 year old :)! all without a meltdown. He can actually stop before the meltdown starts, or even weirder for me, I can see the wheels turning as he decides not to do something, like that connection is starting to form-the one where he actually thinks about the consequence after the action. Do I think it’s all the fish oil? I don’t know…but it’s hard to think it is something else considering we haven’t changed much else. I did get rid of fragrances and strong perfumes and changed to scent free detergent about the same time. Today my mom put on scented lotion and while putting E man into his car seat he’s like “what’s that smell!!” over and over until we finally figured it was my mom. So yes trying to not overwhelm his senses may have helped too, still we are out in public and while its hard for him as he is overwhelmed with everything he is doing AMAZING!!! Meltdown/tantrums seem more like a typical 3 year old, BIG DEAL for us! He is coming around to his brother, still mostly ignoring him but when he does pay attention he is very loving and appropriate. He pats his back and tries to coo at him to get him to smile when he thinks I’m not looking. I have a very good feeling that when Gabriel is older and moving they are going to be best friends :). For now he’s just cute adorable slobbering baby to E man, not somebody to play with.

Okay got to get some sleep, bit day tomorrow.

One last thing, somehow I am managing to exercise and I have to say this is HUGE for me. I am feeling like a 20 something year old inside, even if body doesnt’ quite match that yet. One of my good friends watches the baby so I can workout, there is onsight care for E man at the gym and I scheduled it during gymnastics so we’re out and about anyway. I also planted flowers and as mentionedd above vegie garden. These things are all important to my soul/spirit and give me calm serenity/joy. Now that we finally have some good weather I plan on walking my dogs in the early AM. I dont’ have time to write but I’m gearing up to do that when life allows me to (thinking when E man starts pre-K).

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I don’t have time but….

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on May 18, 2009

I really feel like writing. My house was a total disaster yesterday and my sweet and loving husband cleaned it for me. Why is it that one morning of getting kids off to school can trash a house so quickly? Also why is it I can do 10 loads of laundry and still have more to do the next day? I think we have too many clothes….for real. I’m thinking of having my girls get rid of half of their clothes. Also, maybe this is disgusting, maybe not but I feel you can use a towel more then one time and can wear jeans/pants more then once so long as they aren’t too dirty. Instead of lazily throwing it in the basket for mom to do. I’m also thinking Mikayla is old enough to start doing her own laundry. Recently I’ve got some work to do with my older children on cleaning up after themselves. They used to be so good at it and now….not so much. I suppose it’s like all things unless you are right on top of it good habits can slide.

I"m typing while Gabriel is sleeping in my Ergo carrier, we’ve been using a sling but he’s not a huge fan once he get’s sleepy. Also I always seem to manage to do I’ve created a baby who can’t sleep without mommy. I feel all children that are adopted go through the attachment phases right now he’s in "anxiouse attachment" and watches to see where I am and needs to be reasured that I will always be here. Not to mention that I feel strongly in baby wearing out of principle. I don’t let my babies cry it out….that’s just me. I have mommy friends of bio kids who do and their children are happy well adjusted kids. I personally can’t do it and don’t want to.  The downside of the Ergo is that it fully displays my lovely extra fluff and droppy boobs. Oh well 😦 until the rest of this weight and my much dreamed of tummy tuck and breast lift I’ll just have to not worry about it because both my back and this baby LOVE the Ergo carrier and E is not being jealous of it as par his usual reaction to watching baby be carried in something he feels is HIS carrier. It has a "sleepy hood" so when he falls asleep I can just snap it on, I do worry Gabe doing the splits around my ample middle cannot be good for him, but he doesn’t seem to mind it. I can clean, type, and prep-cook (I don’t do the hot stuff) really this is just awesome!!! He loves to look up in my eyes while in the Ergo and seems content happy where as with the sling he was not having how squishyness that is what I can surmise as to why he hate dit. Also it was throwing my hip to one side and aggravated my old lady back issues so….we have moved to the Ergo.  In public I suffer us both with the sling, I know I’m vain, but it’s cute and it HIDES my fluff and droopy boobs :). And he likes it when he is awake and can look out….just not when he’s sleepy and I try and tuck him in, nope not a fan.

Everett got in to the pre-K which is a whole blog entry in of itself. Basically they put his I.Q. in the 70’s, blah! I’m seriously PO’d at that one and went off on them when I was told. First of all he wasn’t cooperating with the tests, could not focus, and was in a nut shell acting like a crazy man, so how did they exactly come up with those figures? Everyone who works with him on a regular basis (not just his mom) knows he is bright!  Anyway, oh well, it got him into the special Pre-K….it’s not a permanent assessment. I’ll get over it. Also his behavior has improved remarkably. He went from I couldn’t to anything to work with him to normal E-I attribute this to Fish oil, I know it sounds crazy, but its the only thing that we changed and I’m here to tell you I am NOT into that sort of thing, I mean I’m okay with some holistic ideas but mostly I think it’s out there…ya know, I’m sorry for my readers who do believe. I think it stems from my mom always pushing this type of stuff on me and my brothers and not ever feeling there was a marked difference compared with mainstream medical help. Anyway I also don’t like him being overmedicated on steroids for his asthma/allergies. So now that this fish oil worked a miracle my mind is opening.  He is talking more, he is concentrating more, he is able to think through things rather then act totally on impulse. I wouldn’t have believed it if somebody had told me what a difference it would make in him. We can go out in public now-honestly was scared to for the past 2 weeks. There is a Chiropractor a city away from us that works with peds kids with asthma. I’m going….because most of the time I don’t have to put him on Steroids but when I do, he turns into psycho E and that is not fair to him. If there is something that can help him breath that is NOT strong meds I’m going to look for it from now on. I’m not going to be weird about it and let his breathing get out of control but I’m ready to try and help him in every way. One of my dear friends is certified in reflexology and while I do feel this is "out there" I’m also going to be seeing her with E man she feels she can help him with his asthma and his behavior issues. I figure it’s not going to hurt him, why not? THey wanted to put Eman into the summer program because he is so severely delayed in some areas (this really pisses me off-haven’t I been having him evaluated and asking for help all along and early intervention has told me he is NOT delayed!!!!???, didn’t they also tell this to his first foster family!!!???) thanks EI for nothing….grrrrrrrr. Sorry rant over. Anyway we’re going to be gone for 5 of the 7 week program and so they did not end up putting him in for the summer. I will continue with our ot/pt twice a week and what I do at home. Also we will be swimming every day it’s possible so he’ll be getting a lot of that large sensory input (swimming is therapy for E man), his sister will be home and they give him the extra stimulation I just can’t-they both adore him and treat him as if he is the prince of the universe. The GREAT news is that my son is FINALLY getting HELP!!! Starting in September he will be in a fabulous integrated pre-K program!!!

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Fish oil is magic….

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on May 11, 2009

So I’m willing to try just about anything. Two of my friends have told me about this liquid fish oil from Norway that worked wonders for their sensory/ADHD children. One of my friends felt it “cured” her son. I thought she was smoking something. The other friend who’s son has the exact same diagnosis and behaviors as Everett (how blessed I am to have her in my life) said it significantly helped her son. I’m a skeptic about things like this but…you know we’ve had a few horrible weeks. Guess what!? After spending $50 for one bottle of very expensive Norwegian fish oil and immediately going home and dosing E man I am a believer.

Also btw E can’t taste it-wonders of wonders, memories of my Grandmother giving me codliver oil running through my head as I opened the “Orange” flavored bottle not believing it actually did not reek of fish and thinking no way is Everett going to take the nasty stuff. Anyway it really does smell and taste like orange I put it in a shot glass with a little orange juice and he drank it up. We were having typical (as of late) behavior issues all morning long and were on our way out the door to a b-day party. Everett was raging because he wanted to open the present and keep it for himself and actually grabbed it and ran while I chased him down. I asked him if he wanted to go to the party or not, he said “no”. It was a superhero party, costumes drive his sensory self up the wall and I already knew he wouldn’t wear the cape I had made him and the batman mask but I made it anyway hoping he might when he saw the other superheroes. He picked out spiderman floaties (like for swimming) and wanted to wear those. Fine….but then that morning it was apparent he wouldn’t make it through the party. He screamed 20 minutes there. Then suddenly it was like a magic wand had been waved. He stopped screaming, started TALKING about the b-day party for 10 minutes. We get there he gets out of the car sees all the other boys dressed up in costumes and asks me for his BATMAN costume, he puts on a mask!!! Holy smokes I was mad I didn’t have my camera, then he puts on the cape. If his cape came off he wanted it back on. He stood in a line, he waited for his turn in all of the games, he only needed one redirection (honest to God this is a miracle for E man), there were other children melting down-which I understand-but for the first time in our life it wasn’t E, he was appropriate! He was still Everett, amazing physically, faster then the other kids, more daring, all that makes him who he is 🙂 but it was as if this bundle of nervous energy had disapated before my eyes. Lately I could see him simmering ready to explode and know that at any moment there would be a meltdown and that I was helpless to prevent.  He did try to blow out the candles during the birthday song but hey he’s 3 years old and when I prevented him from doing so he threw himself on the ground-typically this means a knock down drawn out fit, specifically recently, instead he picked himself up and was happily waiting for his slice of cake. He is also sleeping again! And then Sunday was a repeat of amazingly good behavior. He had his best day ever at church. One hour of sitting still is impossible for most 3 year olds and for Everett it’s just been torture. We don’t usually make it more then 20 minutes before having to leave the room and do other things. I bring things for him to do, its not as if I force him to sit there and listen, I also bring snacks. Anyway he made it one hour for the first time EVER!!! Not only did he make it one hour he played with his toys for one hour-the same toys. This is a first for him. He also played ONE game at a time yesturday!!! In addition toa ll of this he got massive compliments from his Nursery teachers, things like “he sat for snack time, he listened and participated in music time…” I’ve never heard this before about Everett. It was the best mother’s day present I could have received. We went to my in-laws this is usually the worst and most horrible time for me. I was not happy we were going but….plans fell through for the mother’s day picnic at the park (it was cold) so there we were. And my son was not bouncing and whacking himself into walls because of over-stimulation. He was appropriate he sat at the computer with DH and played games, he sat for his dinner! Afterwards we got in the car and went for a drive. DH and I were talking and dh being a Dr had done some research on the fish oil the night before. Apparently there are several medical studies that support the fish oil helping our son. We both talked about how his behaviors were outside of his control. We know that now, I mean we felt it before but it was frustrating, but seeing the night and day difference we realized that he honestly could not help the way he was behaving-that it was chemical/physical and not anger or his choosing to be “bad.” I know we have more work to do but I feel for the first time that now we can work with him, that we have uncovered a little bit of what can unlock the greatness he has inside. Today so far he has been an angel….I am crying just typing this. I have never been around the Everett who could control his behavior. Some things have helped him but NOTHING like this, I mean OT/PT has worked miracles but not even close to what this has done for him-not even in the same ball park! 🙂

I’m now giving this oil to all of my children (exeption of baby Gabriel) and taking it myself :).

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I’ve got cute kids and pictures to prove it!

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on May 10, 2009


We think Spring has finally arrived which means for a happier Everett and mommy. P5080513

We spent the afternoon at the park while Mickey was in Gymnastics then a thunderstorm hit.


Gabriel talking to the books at Barnes and Noble-seriously he was going crazy over them 🙂 it was so sweet.


Cady’s debut reading of her prize winning story at Barnes and Noble (go Cady!)

Poor Mickey missed out on the picture taking-tomorrow I’m going to track the girl down :), she’s too crazy busy for all of us.


James getting Gabriel laughing, he is the sweetest baby!

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I’ve got good news :)!!!

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on May 6, 2009

Well whatever Everett is going through right now landed him right into special Pre-K program :). Okay I have to see the bright side of this otherwise I may loose it….I wish we knew what it was causing his sensory issues to overload. It isn’t JUST baby Gabriel. He is out of control, none of my parenting skills touch this behavior. The only thing that relaxes him and stops behavior is “squishy” which is me giving him deep sensory massage while he lies on his belly-something we have done this week countless times. Also what is great is that he is asking for “squishy” when he is overwhelmed.Problem is that he immediately returns to behavior when he is done with getting his deep sensory input.

I am ordering a neoprene vest, praying this helps. I’ve talked with several parents of sensory kids and ALL of them have told me 3 years was the worst. He also has a duel flag possible diagnosis of ADHD which doesn’t surprise me. (we had a full psych eval today-it went wonderful which means he has some HUGE acting out issues that qualify him for special pre-k.) This all started in March, we had some regression but since Gabriel came home it has progressed to major sensory out of control behavior when we are out in public. Life has been interesting….

We had a 3 hour Dr appointment with Mikayla this week, it is for her sports injuries….gah dont’ get me started about that, not happy about gymnastics at the moment but she lives breathes and will “die” without it. Anyway our sitter cancelled 10 minutes before the appointment. I knew taking Everett was too much. I took chewies with me (sanctioned candy in the form of “fruit snacks” they are my last resort) that got us through 3 minutes. I am not exaggerating. Nothing I normally did with him worked. Now mind you this is in the waiting room. I am not kidding when I say he is out of control. He is a danger to himself, to me, to those around him, to the furniture….it is NOT my son but this is how he is acting. So I ended up sitting on the floor with him holding him while he hit and kicked me. The baby sleeping in his car seat a room full of people staring at me and my son like we were both insane. 3 hours later we had some brief moments of normal, some squishy times, but mostly acting out. I had to speak with M’s dr and he actually yelled at E man. Which really pissed me off considering #1 yelling doesn’t do anything for Everett but make it worse, I know this because I am not a perfect mother and have occasionally lost it and yelled at mo son…and #2 basically it makes his behavior worse. #3 NOBODY yells at my kids!!! Consequences and time outs are what has worked for him in the past, also bribery. But nothing is working for him right now. And Dr yelling at my son because he was screaming his lungs out did absolutely nothing to help the situation other then piss me off. So we will not be returning to this Dr and I’m fairly certain he will be happy to know this as well.

At home he is okay other then the getting into things which to be honest has always been my E man and our house is old, not an open floor plan, way too big and with a baby around he has too many opportunities to sneak away and get into things and make messes-that is okay, I can live with that. He is never without supervision for more then 5 minutes, honestly he can’t handle it, and my house is 100%  childproofed so…..while it is driving me a little crazy he is happy, he is not throwing his body around and crashing into objects, he is not hitting, kicking, screaming, crying……he is just Everett who is more sneaky then he used to be about getting into things and making messes. I spent a fortune on some more sensory tactile toys and we are rotating them, this seems to be helping (a little :)) I’ll take what I can get. Its out in public Anyway this pre-K is the best news we have received in a long long long time. E man needs some help, I need a BREAK!!!

Also good news is that Gabriel is the absolute easiest baby possibly on the planet earth. God knew what he was doing :). He is so easy to smile-he really is an “angel” I LOVE that his name suits him. He even laughs in his sleep. Jams and I find ourselves staring at him all night long.

I better go, E is sleeping but I need to wake up up so he’ll sleep tonight. I will maybe write about our psych eval….it was truthfully a nightmare and now I can be happy about how it turned out but when I got in the car (had to be helped to the car, 2nd time in a week) I cried my eyes out. This is the 3rd time I have cried my eyes out this week becaue of E. I usually try not to do it in front of him….anyway really better g

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In the past three days….

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on May 2, 2009

My baby laughed for the first time, a real deep down gorgeous giggle, so beautiful it almost makes up for the fact that his coming had brought out Everett’s inner demon child….Lorie you are so not alone :). I keep thinking, it will pass, it will get better….and it HAS to. I mean this was not the little man I had before so he will come back to me. So in the past 3 days Everett has done just about everything he can possibly imagine to do to test my patience.

1. We had to be walked out of OT/PT because his therapist felt he was a danger to himself, I won’t go into detail too much but honestly this was not our finest of moments.

2. He dumped an entire bottle of formula (the giant ones) into the “Twister” game box while I was out of the kitchen for no more then 1 minute.

3. Sprayed out an entire bottle of sunscreen onto the window and fingerpainted with it (all in 3 minutes flat if not less time), dumped his cereal on the floor and crunched it with his feet then dumped water on it so that it made a lovely paste and fingerpainted. Really I’m not kidding I am DOING tactile sensory things with him-WAY MORE then I usually do. I have NO FREAKING idea why he is acting out like this. Then he helped me clean this up and guess what. He somehow managed to get the cereal box out only this time it wasn’t a bowl of cereal-he dumped the entire freaking box on the floor and pasted it the same exact way. This time instead of letting him help me clean up I sent him to his room-which he destroyed. I then removed items he destroyed, one was a favorite book he ripped up, and his fan that he loves to have blow on him he knocked to the floor. He proceeded to kick his feet on the door for 3o more minutes. He also had totally seperate TWO, TWO hour tantrums because he wanted to eat snacks intstead of breakfast/dinner….I’m exhausted.

4. He hit, kicked, AND THIS IS A FIRST, bit me while I tried to get him into the car. This was immediatly after he ran away from me and proceeded to kick an electric box – trying his best to injure himself (long, long story). We were at a womens’ house….and I didn’t know her but to meet her the day of his wonderous performance, and this running away/trying to electrocute himself was after he overturned her train table, threw trains at me and the baby and the women….who btw had me come over so she could”help” and give me advice with getting him into his special need pre-K. He obviously proved he needs this :).

5. Pediatrician advised me TWICE to put him on ADHD medication…..HE’S 3 FREAKING YEARS OLD!!! I love his Pediatrician (and we weren’t even seeing her for Everett he just decided to put on his best demon performance for her and did things I have NEVER seen him do!) Basically he was psycho…..this week….and I’m not joking or exagerating. Grrrrrrr did something take over my son????

These extreme behaviors are not typical of him-they were somewhat present before and still some of his messy stuff that he does is typical but the hitting, kicking, and demon child are NOT. Some of the acting out started BEFORE baby. He is having allergy issues big time and on SEVERAL medications…I know this affects him. He is also not sleeping much due to dht meds and I KNOW the steroids make him psycho-hey they made me psycho.

oh and thank the LORD the baby is an angel….anyway I don’t have more time to write other then life is good I’m not complaining I’m VENTING because I am worried. This is NOT my son! Where did he go, will he come back? I will love him no matter what he does, but boy is he giving me a run right now. Is this normal jealousy? Monday my job is to find a child psychiatrist and over my dead body am I medicating my 3 year old btw….just wanted to make that clear cause I’m not sure if I did above. But I can’t sit by and not do anything and my parenting skills are to the limit. I picked up a Thomas train bed (I hate it but he’s wanted one FOREVER….and it’s “recycled” from Craigslist so I’m not killing the enviornment :)) Anyway we are having him “earn” this with good behavior. Filling a jar with cotton balls. I’m doing 1-2-3 magic and pulling out EVERY single arsenal of sensory knowledge I have. His OT/PT is baffled. He was starting this BEFORE baby but it has escalated since he has come….do you hear my worry? I need to stop. I just want him to be okay, to be able to make it to school without dying…….I know being overly dramatic. I want what every parent wants for him to succeed in life. I believe he will but this is not going to be easy…Everett I love you baby boy…I won’t give up, I promise.

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