Footstepsonmyheart’s Weblog

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“Where’s my baby brother…”

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on June 20, 2009

It happened, Everett loves his brother. I know it took awhile, and ya I was getting really worried but it finally happened. As of this week I have my sweet little loving boy back. Its been a hard 2 months (can you believe it has been that long?) Everett did not acknowledge Gabriel’s existence and/or he tried to kill him and/or he acted out above and beyond his normal behavior issues. I don’t know what did it but it was like a switch. See Everett was so sweet with Maya, former foster baby sister that I assumed he would automatically be the same to Gabriel and was very much shocked by the cold and violent meanness to his attitude. One of Everett’s strengths is that he is extremely sweet and loving to other children, almost to the point that its too much-actually often it is-and we need to work on being assertive. But he is just sweet as sugar during play time. Here is this boy who at 3 years old has a 6 pack, biceps, and is 45 pounds of solid muscle, the height of an average 5 year old, can do front flips, kart-wheels, chin ups, hand stands, head spins….he’s freaking strong and amazingly gifted athletically and a tiny 18 month old girl (from church) can and does bully him. He is my gentle giant and I love him for it. But with Gabriel he was rough right from the beginning, he made it look passive but it was clearly intentional. So this was part of my worries in regards to E man’s behavior. That is over. He is now big brother, protector, care giver (still can’t leave them alone-he’d be lugging him around) Gabriel cries Everett is there “its okay baby brother, don’t cry, don’t be sad…” I cried the first several times he did this. that was just the beginning, now he proudly shows off his brother, he brings him toys, he engages him and dies laughing when he gets Gabriel smiling. We had to leave Gabe to take E man for a Dr visit (another blog entry), and he totally flipped out “where’s my baby brother!!!” he demanded over and over. “GO GET HIM!!!” he told me several times. And we left him at one of Everett’s bbf house, its not like our past visits at the county building for Maya. So my thinking, and I could be wrong, Everett still has a hard time verbally telling me what is going on but he is getting soooooooooo much better (I feel thanks to fish oil), I think on some level he remembered what it was like to loose Maya, how it felt for HIM to love and loose her and then how it felt for him to see his mom and family so sad. She was with us for 5 months, almost 6. He adored her. For months he asked where she was and sometimes it made me cry. I was a mess around that time, I know this hurt E man. I really tried to hold it together but you know I’m not going to lie and said that every day I was this upbeat mom who hid her tears and depression, there were days I couldn’t get off of the couch except for dinners, diapers, and to herd him back to where I was while I veged in my own sorrow. How could this not have deeply hurt him? So either subconsciously or consciously I feel strongly this is a big part of where the severe out of control behaviors came in to play, now, not all of them because he was starting some of this before Gabriel came but then we were also talking a lot about a baby coming home. I with his inabilaty to fully express himself verbally its hard to know for sure what is going through his head but this was part of the behavior. we told him that he would have a baby brother or sister, reading books about it etc. Every time this came up he clearly shut down, I mean it was obvious, he would say “NO!!!” and that was that. I also noted a marked improvement in his ability to not take his behavior to the out of control level this week, he didn’t do that ONCE, see I can normally avoid triggers, avoid overstimulation, use ot/pt to help with sensory overload…NOTHING was working for weeks, all my tricks might as well have been thrown in a figurative garbage for the good they did. The amazing thing for me is that-we have been improving all along, BUT this week it was different like with the fish oil we had a GIGANTIC JUMP! The only thing I can attribute this to is his new-found love/acceptance/and TRUST in his baby brother relationship. Now I can get all excited about when Gabriel gets older, watching them play together-not worry I’ll have to keep them seperated for life! I can’t wait!

Gabriel is still the easiest baby in the world. God knew what he was doing! The girls are excelling in life but the more I parent the more I realize I knew NOTHING about real parenting skills until I had the E man. I mean my girls basically came on auto pilot, all I had to do was the basics. We had our rough patches but nothing huge. Now Mickey is entering the teen years OFFICIALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is scary, she is changing…and I am going to have to re-learn EVERYTHING-its becoming pretty obvious to the both of her parents that we are in for a new experience in the world of parenting. And she is a good girl, no mommy glasses on prejudicing my view. She just came this way still the attitude, the mood swings….ya we are there. Cady is stuck in the middle and I have to work on not forgetting her, she is soooooooo good. She loves to write and is currently writing  a play for her friends to perform. She is also planning her own b-day party because she has the party planning bug.

Oh Lorie-if you are reading-I was planning on writing about this before you wrote you had 40 pounds to loose, only I’m happy about it because I am FINALLY down to ONLY needing to loose 40 pounds, which is close to an entire Everett. I have lost 60 pounds in one year as of June 24th of last year when I put together my weight loss plan, there were some ups and downs and a few weeks of despair but I’m still loosing. Now that I’m exercising I’m loosing much faster. I was hoping it would be 100 lbs in a year….but ya know 60 is still a big deal! I have no idea how I got THAT huge…….okay so I do. Its called 3 years of emotional eating gone wild and a body who is prone to obesity. My mom lost 100 pounds after having 5 children and has kept it off for almost 26 years now. I dont’ know if I have her will power but I do have her determination and my intention is to follow in her footsteps. My goal is to loose the 40 pounds by November of this year.

I also want to have a tummy tuck and got some great news, my insurance just might cover part of it-this was a totally random meant to be bit of knowledge I got via Gabriel (long story!) I plan on blogging if I ever get the chance. Won’t bore with details but I had 2 complicated pregnancies, really it was Mikayla’s pregnancy (I measured due to complications as if I were having twins and almost triplets) basically you could roll me I was sooooooooo huge, and I’m short, really freaking short so all that skin plus an ER c-section that was sort of botched left me with a lot of strechy yucko skin and seperated muscles in addition to several hernias that I had repaired this time last year (made moving much better for me). I mention my old lady back but not often how much it sucks, I mean I did for awhile but I know how whiny it sounds. Well apparently part of the issues (according to two different docs) could be my mid section. They would like something that is a fairly disgusting thing to admit done to correct the issue along with a muscle repair, this would make a tummy tuck extremely afforadable for us. I’m really excited because, for me, weight loss is a double edged sword. I am at the point in my life that I don’t care anymore about the emotional aspect/more the embarrasment, but as I loose weight I actually start to look pregnant. Its no fun in the past when all I wanted was another baby and people would constantly ask me “how far along are you?” while patting my blubbery belly. Ya, happened weekly and THIS is why I NEVER EVER EVER ask somebody that question! So part of my 40 pounds of padding that would go up and down never fully leaving me that I had PRIOR to becoming a foster parent and then going hog wild and gaining 60 more pounds was hiding my body shape-I actually gained from a starting long weight 70 pounds as a foster mom. Thank the girdle Gods a wonderful woman invented this contraption called Spanx, and while I still look ‘off’ as I loose weight I’m finding its nothing like it used to be! But to have that gone, I know its some what silly maybe  even vain, its almost as if I feel disfigured even if clothes hide it, it makes me cry thinking I may have my body back! I’m not looking for perfection, just “normal.”


One Response to ““Where’s my baby brother…””

  1. Hey you,

    I am just catching up on blogs…I know..bad me. But BRAVO on the weight loss, what an inspiration….hallla girl!!!! I feel like 40lbs is the moon…but really, you make it look simple…or good. I will start soon. As soon as I stop living in stress….wait…no, that doesn’t seem like its gonna end…so um…now, I will start now. Or um…tomorrow. yikes. help.

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