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Archive for June, 2009

“Where’s my baby brother…”

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on June 20, 2009

It happened, Everett loves his brother. I know it took awhile, and ya I was getting really worried but it finally happened. As of this week I have my sweet little loving boy back. Its been a hard 2 months (can you believe it has been that long?) Everett did not acknowledge Gabriel’s existence and/or he tried to kill him and/or he acted out above and beyond his normal behavior issues. I don’t know what did it but it was like a switch. See Everett was so sweet with Maya, former foster baby sister that I assumed he would automatically be the same to Gabriel and was very much shocked by the cold and violent meanness to his attitude. One of Everett’s strengths is that he is extremely sweet and loving to other children, almost to the point that its too much-actually often it is-and we need to work on being assertive. But he is just sweet as sugar during play time. Here is this boy who at 3 years old has a 6 pack, biceps, and is 45 pounds of solid muscle, the height of an average 5 year old, can do front flips, kart-wheels, chin ups, hand stands, head spins….he’s freaking strong and amazingly gifted athletically and a tiny 18 month old girl (from church) can and does bully him. He is my gentle giant and I love him for it. But with Gabriel he was rough right from the beginning, he made it look passive but it was clearly intentional. So this was part of my worries in regards to E man’s behavior. That is over. He is now big brother, protector, care giver (still can’t leave them alone-he’d be lugging him around) Gabriel cries Everett is there “its okay baby brother, don’t cry, don’t be sad…” I cried the first several times he did this. that was just the beginning, now he proudly shows off his brother, he brings him toys, he engages him and dies laughing when he gets Gabriel smiling. We had to leave Gabe to take E man for a Dr visit (another blog entry), and he totally flipped out “where’s my baby brother!!!” he demanded over and over. “GO GET HIM!!!” he told me several times. And we left him at one of Everett’s bbf house, its not like our past visits at the county building for Maya. So my thinking, and I could be wrong, Everett still has a hard time verbally telling me what is going on but he is getting soooooooooo much better (I feel thanks to fish oil), I think on some level he remembered what it was like to loose Maya, how it felt for HIM to love and loose her and then how it felt for him to see his mom and family so sad. She was with us for 5 months, almost 6. He adored her. For months he asked where she was and sometimes it made me cry. I was a mess around that time, I know this hurt E man. I really tried to hold it together but you know I’m not going to lie and said that every day I was this upbeat mom who hid her tears and depression, there were days I couldn’t get off of the couch except for dinners, diapers, and to herd him back to where I was while I veged in my own sorrow. How could this not have deeply hurt him? So either subconsciously or consciously I feel strongly this is a big part of where the severe out of control behaviors came in to play, now, not all of them because he was starting some of this before Gabriel came but then we were also talking a lot about a baby coming home. I with his inabilaty to fully express himself verbally its hard to know for sure what is going through his head but this was part of the behavior. we told him that he would have a baby brother or sister, reading books about it etc. Every time this came up he clearly shut down, I mean it was obvious, he would say “NO!!!” and that was that. I also noted a marked improvement in his ability to not take his behavior to the out of control level this week, he didn’t do that ONCE, see I can normally avoid triggers, avoid overstimulation, use ot/pt to help with sensory overload…NOTHING was working for weeks, all my tricks might as well have been thrown in a figurative garbage for the good they did. The amazing thing for me is that-we have been improving all along, BUT this week it was different like with the fish oil we had a GIGANTIC JUMP! The only thing I can attribute this to is his new-found love/acceptance/and TRUST in his baby brother relationship. Now I can get all excited about when Gabriel gets older, watching them play together-not worry I’ll have to keep them seperated for life! I can’t wait!

Gabriel is still the easiest baby in the world. God knew what he was doing! The girls are excelling in life but the more I parent the more I realize I knew NOTHING about real parenting skills until I had the E man. I mean my girls basically came on auto pilot, all I had to do was the basics. We had our rough patches but nothing huge. Now Mickey is entering the teen years OFFICIALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is scary, she is changing…and I am going to have to re-learn EVERYTHING-its becoming pretty obvious to the both of her parents that we are in for a new experience in the world of parenting. And she is a good girl, no mommy glasses on prejudicing my view. She just came this way still the attitude, the mood swings….ya we are there. Cady is stuck in the middle and I have to work on not forgetting her, she is soooooooo good. She loves to write and is currently writing  a play for her friends to perform. She is also planning her own b-day party because she has the party planning bug.

Oh Lorie-if you are reading-I was planning on writing about this before you wrote you had 40 pounds to loose, only I’m happy about it because I am FINALLY down to ONLY needing to loose 40 pounds, which is close to an entire Everett. I have lost 60 pounds in one year as of June 24th of last year when I put together my weight loss plan, there were some ups and downs and a few weeks of despair but I’m still loosing. Now that I’m exercising I’m loosing much faster. I was hoping it would be 100 lbs in a year….but ya know 60 is still a big deal! I have no idea how I got THAT huge…….okay so I do. Its called 3 years of emotional eating gone wild and a body who is prone to obesity. My mom lost 100 pounds after having 5 children and has kept it off for almost 26 years now. I dont’ know if I have her will power but I do have her determination and my intention is to follow in her footsteps. My goal is to loose the 40 pounds by November of this year.

I also want to have a tummy tuck and got some great news, my insurance just might cover part of it-this was a totally random meant to be bit of knowledge I got via Gabriel (long story!) I plan on blogging if I ever get the chance. Won’t bore with details but I had 2 complicated pregnancies, really it was Mikayla’s pregnancy (I measured due to complications as if I were having twins and almost triplets) basically you could roll me I was sooooooooo huge, and I’m short, really freaking short so all that skin plus an ER c-section that was sort of botched left me with a lot of strechy yucko skin and seperated muscles in addition to several hernias that I had repaired this time last year (made moving much better for me). I mention my old lady back but not often how much it sucks, I mean I did for awhile but I know how whiny it sounds. Well apparently part of the issues (according to two different docs) could be my mid section. They would like something that is a fairly disgusting thing to admit done to correct the issue along with a muscle repair, this would make a tummy tuck extremely afforadable for us. I’m really excited because, for me, weight loss is a double edged sword. I am at the point in my life that I don’t care anymore about the emotional aspect/more the embarrasment, but as I loose weight I actually start to look pregnant. Its no fun in the past when all I wanted was another baby and people would constantly ask me “how far along are you?” while patting my blubbery belly. Ya, happened weekly and THIS is why I NEVER EVER EVER ask somebody that question! So part of my 40 pounds of padding that would go up and down never fully leaving me that I had PRIOR to becoming a foster parent and then going hog wild and gaining 60 more pounds was hiding my body shape-I actually gained from a starting long weight 70 pounds as a foster mom. Thank the girdle Gods a wonderful woman invented this contraption called Spanx, and while I still look ‘off’ as I loose weight I’m finding its nothing like it used to be! But to have that gone, I know its some what silly maybe  even vain, its almost as if I feel disfigured even if clothes hide it, it makes me cry thinking I may have my body back! I’m not looking for perfection, just “normal.”


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I miss my mommy :(

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on June 13, 2009

P6130640Its been one hour since I dropped my mom off at the airport and I’m sad, even big grown up girls miss their mom’s I guess.  Mikayla is on another marching band trip, Cady is at an end of the school year party, Everett went camping with his dad (please pray that he survives-yes I’m silly but James is not as good as I am at making sure he lives to adulthood-just a matter of fact)…so its just Gabriel the dogs, the cats and myself (and I’m not used to this quiet). Gabriel is cooing in his carseat while I neglect…I mean update my sorry blog. I am seriously so afraid he will get a flat head that I HATE to put him in his car seat but for whatever reason he adores being in there. UGH! We do tummy time and he likes it for all of 3 minutes, I have the Bumbo chair and while he ADORES it only for so long, the swing not so much…never had a baby like a car seat this much. Anyway mostly I wear him or hold him so I suppose 10 minutes here and there won’t give him a flat head.

We had a wonderful 2 weeks full of as much as you can possibly fit in of school activities, one play performance (they won 3rd btw!), band/choir performances, gymnastics, exercising (my mom’s a workout junkie)….lots and lots of wonderful fun and a clean house with my laundry caught up, my plants/gardens all taken care of. Now it will all go south….there just isnt’ enough hours in the day. I think keeping a vegie/flower garden is not the best idea for a mom w/ 4 children one of which keeps me running sun up to sun down (Mikayla), one who is free spirited and needs to be busy (Cady), and one who is a superhero in training (Everett), and a new baby who may be the best baby in the world-or at least in the top 10 of best babies that ever lived-but he’s still a baby and we don’t want flat head syndrome. James has been busy planning our Disneyworld trip-we are soooooo excited! That will be towards the end of July after that I”ll be gone for the rest of the summer :). We’ll see how well a family of 4 kids travels.

Here are some pictures of my gorgeous mommy and my amazing kiddoes.


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My life is insane but in a good way :)

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on June 8, 2009

So life is busy, sorry haven’t updated recently.

Lets see this week we had an awards assembly for Mikayla, a concert for Cady, my mom flew in from out West, Mickey’s marching band performed in a HUGE parade (all of us hours in the sun) and they WON!!!! She is soooooo flippen adorable, she marches with the HS band…oh my little baby she is so tiny out there with her big trombone blasting away and marching perfectly. Then we raced to Cady’s performance at this absolutely AMAZING theater in our nearby city this is a HUGE contest that their school has won before, the grand prize is a trip to the Bronx Zoo (where they will also perform). I don’t know how they did in the contest!!!??? Results were announced today and we didn’t have time to go see who won. Mikayla had her ice cream social/fundraiser where she performed with the Jazz band. My husband had a reunion/BBQ today with family friends at his parents house that we attended. I also had to visit my friend who was here from Florida only for a day, GAH! Did I mention we also went to Gymnastics all freaking week long and I somehow managed to put in a vegetable garden and work out AND eat healthy-somehow, see there is such thing as miracles!!!? And my house does not look like a tornado hit it only because my mom is here, Heaven bless her for all she does when she visits. So ya, life is absolutely freaking insane. The end of the school year is always like this. Everett LOVED the parade, he’d already seen Cady’s play and so I had his favorite babysitter watch him for that. Next week will be much the same. Another concert, another parade…mom is leaving :(, my house will show it.

Gabriel remains the easiest and sweetest baby that ever graced our home, oh my am I in love. I rarely give him up. I have never been a possessive mamma before, really I’m just not one of those people who hates it when other people hold their baby. Uh, I am now. It is weird and maybe I’m just weird but he gives me a sense of peace that I can feel-and I just don’t want to loose a moment of his baby time. Generally speaking I put him in my sling so that NOBODY will ask to hold him. I guess I’m a greedy mommy :).

Everett is amazing me!!! OH MY GOSH!!! He can focus!!! Holy all that is sacred (sorry God) I never thought he could come this far! I am fairly certain he will be kicked out of his special pre-K after the first eval, the fish oil has made a world of difference in him. He’s still Everett, he still has a hard time with transitions, he still has a hard time with being sensory overloaded, he still is obsessed with the damn sugary/candy/white flour/carb laden foods that we try to avoid….ugh! But he is doing A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!! He can color for more then 30 seconds, he can play with one toy for more then a minute, he can finish something…….he can sit through one hour of extremely boring church )what I mean by that is boring for a 3 year old :)! all without a meltdown. He can actually stop before the meltdown starts, or even weirder for me, I can see the wheels turning as he decides not to do something, like that connection is starting to form-the one where he actually thinks about the consequence after the action. Do I think it’s all the fish oil? I don’t know…but it’s hard to think it is something else considering we haven’t changed much else. I did get rid of fragrances and strong perfumes and changed to scent free detergent about the same time. Today my mom put on scented lotion and while putting E man into his car seat he’s like “what’s that smell!!” over and over until we finally figured it was my mom. So yes trying to not overwhelm his senses may have helped too, still we are out in public and while its hard for him as he is overwhelmed with everything he is doing AMAZING!!! Meltdown/tantrums seem more like a typical 3 year old, BIG DEAL for us! He is coming around to his brother, still mostly ignoring him but when he does pay attention he is very loving and appropriate. He pats his back and tries to coo at him to get him to smile when he thinks I’m not looking. I have a very good feeling that when Gabriel is older and moving they are going to be best friends :). For now he’s just cute adorable slobbering baby to E man, not somebody to play with.

Okay got to get some sleep, bit day tomorrow.

One last thing, somehow I am managing to exercise and I have to say this is HUGE for me. I am feeling like a 20 something year old inside, even if body doesnt’ quite match that yet. One of my good friends watches the baby so I can workout, there is onsight care for E man at the gym and I scheduled it during gymnastics so we’re out and about anyway. I also planted flowers and as mentionedd above vegie garden. These things are all important to my soul/spirit and give me calm serenity/joy. Now that we finally have some good weather I plan on walking my dogs in the early AM. I dont’ have time to write but I’m gearing up to do that when life allows me to (thinking when E man starts pre-K).

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