In the past three days….
Posted by footstepsonmyheart on May 2, 2009
My baby laughed for the first time, a real deep down gorgeous giggle, so beautiful it almost makes up for the fact that his coming had brought out Everett’s inner demon child….Lorie you are so not alone :). I keep thinking, it will pass, it will get better….and it HAS to. I mean this was not the little man I had before so he will come back to me. So in the past 3 days Everett has done just about everything he can possibly imagine to do to test my patience.
1. We had to be walked out of OT/PT because his therapist felt he was a danger to himself, I won’t go into detail too much but honestly this was not our finest of moments.
2. He dumped an entire bottle of formula (the giant ones) into the “Twister” game box while I was out of the kitchen for no more then 1 minute.
3. Sprayed out an entire bottle of sunscreen onto the window and fingerpainted with it (all in 3 minutes flat if not less time), dumped his cereal on the floor and crunched it with his feet then dumped water on it so that it made a lovely paste and fingerpainted. Really I’m not kidding I am DOING tactile sensory things with him-WAY MORE then I usually do. I have NO FREAKING idea why he is acting out like this. Then he helped me clean this up and guess what. He somehow managed to get the cereal box out only this time it wasn’t a bowl of cereal-he dumped the entire freaking box on the floor and pasted it the same exact way. This time instead of letting him help me clean up I sent him to his room-which he destroyed. I then removed items he destroyed, one was a favorite book he ripped up, and his fan that he loves to have blow on him he knocked to the floor. He proceeded to kick his feet on the door for 3o more minutes. He also had totally seperate TWO, TWO hour tantrums because he wanted to eat snacks intstead of breakfast/dinner….I’m exhausted.
4. He hit, kicked, AND THIS IS A FIRST, bit me while I tried to get him into the car. This was immediatly after he ran away from me and proceeded to kick an electric box – trying his best to injure himself (long, long story). We were at a womens’ house….and I didn’t know her but to meet her the day of his wonderous performance, and this running away/trying to electrocute himself was after he overturned her train table, threw trains at me and the baby and the women….who btw had me come over so she could”help” and give me advice with getting him into his special need pre-K. He obviously proved he needs this :).
5. Pediatrician advised me TWICE to put him on ADHD medication…..HE’S 3 FREAKING YEARS OLD!!! I love his Pediatrician (and we weren’t even seeing her for Everett he just decided to put on his best demon performance for her and did things I have NEVER seen him do!) Basically he was psycho…..this week….and I’m not joking or exagerating. Grrrrrrr did something take over my son????
These extreme behaviors are not typical of him-they were somewhat present before and still some of his messy stuff that he does is typical but the hitting, kicking, and demon child are NOT. Some of the acting out started BEFORE baby. He is having allergy issues big time and on SEVERAL medications…I know this affects him. He is also not sleeping much due to dht meds and I KNOW the steroids make him psycho-hey they made me psycho.
oh and thank the LORD the baby is an angel….anyway I don’t have more time to write other then life is good I’m not complaining I’m VENTING because I am worried. This is NOT my son! Where did he go, will he come back? I will love him no matter what he does, but boy is he giving me a run right now. Is this normal jealousy? Monday my job is to find a child psychiatrist and over my dead body am I medicating my 3 year old btw….just wanted to make that clear cause I’m not sure if I did above. But I can’t sit by and not do anything and my parenting skills are to the limit. I picked up a Thomas train bed (I hate it but he’s wanted one FOREVER….and it’s “recycled” from Craigslist so I’m not killing the enviornment :)) Anyway we are having him “earn” this with good behavior. Filling a jar with cotton balls. I’m doing 1-2-3 magic and pulling out EVERY single arsenal of sensory knowledge I have. His OT/PT is baffled. He was starting this BEFORE baby but it has escalated since he has come….do you hear my worry? I need to stop. I just want him to be okay, to be able to make it to school without dying…….I know being overly dramatic. I want what every parent wants for him to succeed in life. I believe he will but this is not going to be easy…Everett I love you baby boy…I won’t give up, I promise.
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Snarky Mom said
My oldest, Boy1, had severe allergy and sensory problems as a toddler. I must tell you that age 3 was, by a mile, the hardest year for him…and me. It was a downright nightmare, made worse by the addition of a new foster baby. Boy1 had severe self mutilation problems, he knocked himself unconscious twice by beating his head on the floor. They encouraged us to medicate him also. I refused. I flat out refused to medicate my 3 year old. I did not for one minute believe that he had ADD/ADHD. He had a history of severe neglect and Sensory Integration Dysfunction. Those together can mimic the signs of ADD/ADHD. I am a social worker, I know there are 3 year olds who DO need to be medicated but in all my years as a social worker and foster parent, they are few and far between.
This is a hard age, you have to ride it out. Keep being consistant, keep doing what you are doing. And find a good child psychologist. Have you tried play therapy with him? Play therapy can work wonders if done properly with a good therapist. You’re doing a great job, your love for him shines through in every post and never fails to bring a smile to my face.
Oh, and Boy1 is now 8 years old, in 2nd grade at the top of his class, above grade level in math and science and has not one single sign of ADD/ADHD. He outgrew those horrible tantrums and behaviors around age 4 and has been a typical kid ever since. I, on the other hand, may have unmedicated and untreated PTSD but that’s another story. Feel free to shoot me an email if you’d like to chat.
jwg said
Are you sure it’s not the asthma meds? Some of that stuff can be brutal. I always knew when my day care kids had taken something in the AM because they came off the bus levitating.The problem was, there didn’t seem to be any alternative but that was over 10 years ago. Maybe there is something new. I noticed that if a kid had a tendency to any sensory issues or behavioral problems it just got worse on the asthma stuff.
museandthemoon said
WOW….Everette sounds like he can even give Aria a run for her money. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I know it is really hard on our children when a new child enters the house, just understand that not only is E losing his place as the youngest, he is losing the fantasy (yes, he could have had one) that he isn’t adopted. While they are not able to verbalize it, seeing a new child brought into the home, subconsciously reminds them that they are not yours biologically. I know it’s a stretch, but I think they have a sense of it and it scares them.
In fact all of it scares them, that’s why they act out. The first month I brought India home, Aria acted out like crazy, in fact the other Momma dramas might remember me dragging her (no really) through our Build a Bear outing cause she wouldn’t walk and she ran through all the tables when we were eating…she was an animal…and I think she was just freaked by the new baby. And I was freaked by her behavior.
Aria still struggles, but visiting the adoption agency for a visit with India’s birth mom really helped (REALLY!!!). The only advice I can offer is…be firm about boundaries, but go back and re-bond…treat him like he is a baby and spend some extra time with him…he will probably get worse, but it will get better. And even if he is massively sensory over loaded, jealous of little brother and fighting drug exposure….just being almost 3 and a half…makes him evil…period. I have heard that three and thirteen (through any other number with a teen after it) are just wicked ages…grin and bear it.
Can’t wait to see more pics and hear stories about your amazing family…hang in there.