Footstepsonmyheart’s Weblog

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Archive for March, 2009

Today is a big day!

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on March 31, 2009

Cady has her first speaking/singing part in a play!!! WOWWY! I’m so excited for her! She is even going to be miked-she’s playing the “head” Elephant in a competition. Last few years our school has taken 1st and 2nd. If they make it to finals they get to perform on this kick-butt stage in our city-so amazing, if they win 1st they get to perform at Bronx zoo and win a free trip to NYC. She has a pink polka dot trunk with a frilly bow tie, how can you go wrong with that? I will post pictures :).

Also my childhood best friend’s daughter-I have a special bond with her but lost touch :(-  I posted and deleted the background, anyway she and I have been chatting it up and I’m so impressed with her. Children are resilient, I know she has  alot of emotional trauma to overcome. She talks like she has been the one taking care of her mom instead of the other way around which makes me sad for her. Her mom never should have had this life, she was destined for so much more. Miss Intuition is telling me “K” is going to be everything her mom should have/could have been and that her mom is going to overcome this, she is FINALLY getting the help she needed. So I’m sending her a care package today and tons of letters/love. We are also planning a girls retreat (another good friend and I-she was “B” (best friend) college roomate). We plan on kidnapping her for a weekend and going camping in the dessert. We are making/desining graphic T’s with insider jokes on them. One of them will have an emasculator on it-w/ initials of our “club” name which is to racey to post but only we will “get”, one is an effigy of our manic pixie dream girl selves…lots more planned theraputic but funny stuff. Then we will burn the t-shirts at the end of the weekend to symbolize letting it go and moving on wit our lives. We did think about possibly posting a banner on jerk faces lawn about what he is so that he can’t victimize anyone before he is sentanced but decided we may get carried away and decide to  “Goodbye Earl” him, that it would be best to let it go and work on getting past giving him any of our energy. We are considering contacting bikers’ against child abusers just to let them know he needs a visit from them :), okay so I’m actually doing that this week. I don’t care if it’s wrong, I can be angry for a little bit longer he deserves it and more :0)!

No baby news, but you know I figure she will come when she is ready and I had some unfinished business I needed to work on that I wouln’t have if she was here. So I’m getting it all done, the first priority of unfished business is reconnecting, supporing, and loving my friend and her family.

We have several fun travel plans, but I’m worried about how this will all work out if we don’t have baby by then YIKES! She better get her cute little self here before summer is over. 🙂

Lots of love!


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“My baby came to me.”

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on March 25, 2009

That’s what I said in my sleep last night. This morning my husband says to me “Last night you told me ‘My baby came to me’ then you said it again loud and serious, when I asked you if it was Everett or the other baby you mumbled something and went back to sleep.” I have absolutely no recognition of any of that or even of dreaming about Emma last night. Ya, I know that being THIS obsessed with something can make you manically talk in your sleep but the thing is I don’t talk in my sleep-never have before. James said it was really strange. Now James, he talks in his sleep about everything under the sun, you can even have funny conversations with him while he’s sleep talking. So maybe this means something, maybe it doesn’t but I sure got a kick out of it! And James thinks the baby is coming….the first time he said anything like that to me. He thinks very scientifically, he’s a Veterinarian, no surprise, puts up with my eccentric style because he’s a patient and loving man.

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yawn…wrote this last night but it didn’t post.

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on March 25, 2009

Does anyone really want to hear how boring my life can be? So more waiting and waiting has turned me into somewhat of a Facebook addict. I have re-connected with so many people I didn’t think I’d ever talk to. And it’s uh….addicting! I can check in every so often  through the day spend 10 minutes while Everett destroys something….I’m  totally hooked. I did find out some sad things about my childhood best friend, really really really sad, I posted about it here but then deleted thinking even though this is kind of anonymous it’s not my story to tell.

Also I wrote my “letter” good bloggy friend Lorie suggested to Emma. Funny I’ll spill my guts on just about everything but not that. I feel it will happen when it’s supposed to happen and then poof she’ll be here. Oh the fun we will have then!? what will I write about? Will I have any time to write?

Everett has been really “off” the past few weeks. Last time he did this at the time change so we are thinking that has something to do with it but then I was pretty out of it for awhile there finally 100% I think the combination of the two had made for a perfect storm of acting out. The great news is I feel so good I want to go go go-and can easily keep up with him, well sort of!  It’s wonderful to have my health 🙂 grateful in a big way.

So today I took a deep breath, gathered some courage, wondering if I’d be the most flagrantly out of shape person in the class of gazillion people (I was!), told myself I wouldn’t hurt my back-that getting stronger will only help it- and found my way to the gym, more specifically Bootcamp. I paced myself really well so as not to burn out or injure my old fart body. Everett lasted through onsight care-it’s a really good place but it’s often sent him into hysterics in the past. Not so anymore. He clung to me until he saw the toys. That was it. ‘bye mommy’ and he was off to play.  I plan on continuing this. I say I will exercise at home but its sporadic and this way I can do it during gymnastics-perfect. When Emma arrives I’ll have to come up with a plan, not a good place for her to be watched over-toddler/kid care. I have several friends in mind that I’m sure would love a few hours here and there while I get my fat butt into shape. I have one in mind that runs daycare from her house, she is good, and has cared for Everett. Also she’s AA which I think is pretty cool for my kiddoes.

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Posted by footstepsonmyheart on March 20, 2009

Isa made a donation and there is a $10 limit. One of my friends was able to donate $5, it debited her account that amount. She did get an error message. So…maybe they don’t want our $2 coffee money?

Please don’t feel obligated I only wanted this to be a very small amount, nothing that would hurt or pinch pockets. If they don’t want to accept your $2-and you still want to participate, find a charity that will and post about it in my comment section I will match it.

Thanks again!


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Somebody else has officially taken over…

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on March 18, 2009

In a very public way a ranted like a mad women over at over something that  I am sensitive about but normally I would like to think I would be rationally sensitive about or not even care. Then I came home and re-read what I wrote because I was still like freaky pissed about the whole thing and hating a few people I don’t even know…. Anyway after reading what I wrote I called my Doctor IMMEDIATELY because folks, what I said was out in left field. I’m not talking borderline insane like full out crazy freaky call the mental hospital she needs to check in NOW insane. And it was ME, seriously or my split personality, whoever she is.

This is what I found out. When you come off of steroids you can go a little wacko and I did, and I’m still there, but at least I know why I’m being crazy and can rationalize myself before I say or do something completely nuts. In the hospital they gave me injections every 2 hours of massive amounts of steroids-my husband was shocked by the amount they were injecting in me. He’s a Doctor and he wouldnt’ give a dog my weight that amount EVER, as if dogs weigh as much as I do :). Anyway…then they sent me home on massive amounts of the stuff. I hated it because it made me want to eat my own arm off and I think I have gained 10 pounds, but I dont’ think this is when I went crazy. No, it happened slowly as I was weaned off of them. Now before any of you get worried I do not feel like hurting anyone, actually I’ve been really weird sentimental with my family and super lovey with my husband :). But you know the whole Sudan thing. Ya, that is part of it. And while I still think it is a good cause I now know why I stayed up till 2 am crying over it and obsessed over it and thought the world was going to hell because nobody commented. I’m kind of laughing over it but part of my brain is like still frazzled over it. So the bad news is that I am crazy but hey, I figure at least I know what it feels like to be certified nut job and can empathize better. The good news is that it won’t last and by the end of the week supposedly I will be “normal” again, or my normal anyway.

The worst part is that I have been on face book with people I know and love, like long lost friends from high school and college as a total nut job. I mean was bad enough….but these are people (some of them) I see everyday or that I knew in my life and haven’t spoken to for years and years and they get reintroduced to me as crazy lady. So do I explain to them why I was…..ummmm….crazy? Or do I just hope nobody noticed? Or do I just hang my head and chalk this up as one of life’s wacky experiences?

Love you guys for not saying anything-you must have noticed. But next time, if God forbid I EVER start acting like this again please say something, privately.

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Posted by footstepsonmyheart on March 18, 2009

Here are some other top rated charities that help the displaced people in Sudan.

I can’t vouch for any of the other charities, I think that Save the Children spends a large amount of donations on advertising-still I’m sure your money is going to a worthy cause. So do your own research before donating. Personally, I prefer a non-proselytizing charity. I feel like a charity should not have ulterior motives, i.e. converting Muslims to Christianity for survival. I don’t know that any of the above charities do that, they may not, but if you are like me it’s worth your time to take a few minutes to find out.

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I’m calling this official skip your coffee and soda week…

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on March 17, 2009

I don’t know if you noticed but today it was reported that in order to keep  war crimes secret the President of Sudan is kicking out foreign aid. This can’t happen-there are almost 2 million people who could die and certainly will be affected if it does. Please take a minute and go to the link to sign a petition to keep aid in Sudan/Darfur.  My 30 or so faithful readers that I see in my stats-I’m counting on you-it can’t hurt and it’s 100% no cost. This is a reputable charity that will not sell your contact information-I invested time checking them out. “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men (and women:) ) do nothing.” Edmund Burke

Please take the opportunity and donate $2.00-skip your coffee or soda for the day. For everyone who chooses to do this over the next week (March 16th-23rd) I plan on matching the total donation and for however long that is will skip my fountain soda-this is a big deal for me, I love my soda. Please comment that you have made a donation-I will approve comments as they come in as fast as I can but won’t always be at my computer. I am going to be dissapointed if nobody joins me but I’ll get over it-and still I won’t stand by and do nothing, plan on being irritating about this.

Link to sign petition-if you look around there is also a place to donate:

If you need more information about this charity please see this link at Charity Navigator. This will tell you about their ratings, how money is spent etc. I went to several different websites and they are rated at the highest level on all of them.

Spread the word! Email this link to your friends and family, post on your face book and blog!

*****FIY One of my friends got an error message when she donated, then she went through the process 2 more times. When she checked her bank account the $ had been taken out each time. So if you get an error message DO NOT donate again, unless of course you want to give more $****

Please do not watch with children in the room, this is disturbing and not for everyone.

While I really like this video, some of the facts are not correct and are glossed over at best. The situation in Darfur is extremely complex and it is not just about Christians wanting to kill Muslims. There are three different distinct factions in this country, and those  with the clear upper hand are the lighter skinned Muslims who do not see their brothers and sisters, regardless if they are Christians or Muslim, as human beings because of the color of their skin. They refer to them in a derogatory word that translates to slave. They funded the army that is on the ground, but that is only part of it. Find out what is feeding this situation, ask your news stations to report more on this. China….okay I’ll stop soon, but they have a big hand in this. If you own stock and support a company with your $$$ find out if you are unintentionally helping to fund the Sudanese Government in this act of genocide. Do something, be informed, don’t be silent.

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News update

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on March 16, 2009

Have decided I am not “waiting.” Going to pretend we are no longer adopting and then WHEN the call comes….

I’ve been feeling better, but still dealing with whatever this thing is….so that has been depressing and I had a few really feel sorry for myself moments. The good news is that while feeling like poop I was able to get my butt on face book and now I have reconnected with so many long lost friends and family. This can be both happy and sad for me. 😦 I tend to get nostalgic even when I try really really hard not to. There have been so many uprootings in my life. I like to hold on to people I care about…this is why being a foster parents, was never really a good idea for me even if I so wanted it to be.

James got me a laptop for my birthday present!!! What a sweet man, he wanted me to have something so I can write wherever I want. He also cleaned, cooked (even if most of it was junk food), and worked his 90 hour work week, somehow. I don’t think he slept-he was too busy taking care of my every need. Seriously the man should be sainted.

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This is what happens when….

Posted by footstepsonmyheart on March 11, 2009

you end up in the hospital on drugs that knock you out of your senses and your husband goes shopping thinking his wife will not be around to cook. The bill was $600-for what??? Nothing but junk food, seriously, nothing but junk. So much junk that I will need to reorganize my entire pantry to fit it in and hopefully we won’t all gain 100 pounds.  I do not count the frozen pizza or the frozen burritos or the sugar cereal as real food….or the multiple loaves of white bread that are now in my freezer or the full sugar yo-gurt w/ fruit on the bottom (nobody will eat) that has filled my fridge or the steaks and full fat hamburger lining my freezer.  Gotta love men….his heart was in the right place or I would have said something. Good thing he doesn’t read my blog :).


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Posted by footstepsonmyheart on March 10, 2009

After spending 2 days in the hospital in CCU I am now home and feeling like crap. My blood pressure dipped low and my heart rate was in a tachycardia rhythm. I was covered in a rash from head to toe along with really puffy face hands and legs, then the puffiness filled in everywhere!  After 2 days I was stabilized but looking more like a puffy marsh-mellow then a human being. Most of the puffy has gone….anyway this sucks. REALLY sucks. I hate to be whiny but I have a life and right now everything is at a grinding halt. Poor Everett doesn’t know what to think being shuffled around. It’s hurting him the most. Today I told them to just leave him with me. We snuggled and read books while I tried to talk without slurring my words……the drugs….wicked knock you on your butt stuff.

They have me on 3 different antihistamines along with a steroid. My head is not detached to my body most of the time. Then dh hit a deer last night on the way to pick up Mikayla from gymnastics (this is our 3rd accident in our new van THIS YEAR!!!) Only this one was bad-thankfully nobody was hurt, well except for our van that we haven’t even owned for a year. My poor husband is working his 80-100 hours a week and trying to keep the house together. We’ve had a lot of help…but it’s frustrating me to no end to be so helpless.

And the damn rash is coming back. I am so not wanting to go back tot he hospital…….this sucks. 😦

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